chynnajoy:

I can’t describe how I feel right now. Reminiscent, maybe? I wish I could learn how to look past a lot of the things that I dwell on. Like how much time I could have spent on something else if I hadn’t done this, and who I could have met if I didn’t spend so much time with so and so. I’m always burdening myself with anticipated regret - wanting to save myself from making the wrong decisions in attempts to save myself from feeling any ounce of pain or hurt - at the expense of happiness. So when I even near some sort of source of happiness, I automatically think of the worst scenarios, the bad memories, the mistakes that everyone is prone to but yet the ones that I can’t accept, even from myself. I think that’s the worst thing to do. To regret something or someone. Because at one point, that thing or person meant everything to you. At that time, every decision you made, whether it had the least amount of correlation with whatever it was or whoever they were, had a verdict given with that face in the back of your mind.
It’s not a healthy thing.